This morning I read this prayer: “O Father, how expertly You put your finger on my need. I am often afraid to do what You ask me to do – afraid that it might not be in my best interests or that I might make a fool of myself. Help me see how foolish that is. Amen.” Quoted from Everyday with Jesus, March/April 2013 by Selwyn Hughes.
This is exactly how I have been feeling this weekend. You see we had our first ‘committee’ meeting for the organisation Living Child Inc. on Friday.
My last blog post was in early December and I decided to take a break over Christmas and just reflect and see where God was leading me; what to do in PNG. In the middle of January I had a very clear vision to start a stand-alone Not For Profit organisation, whose aim will be to reduce the maternal and newborn mortality rate in villages of remote PNG. As I shared this with my friend Deb she then got started on designing a website and recruited a friend of a friend to design a logo. Things were happening around me that affirmed that I was heading in the right direction.
Someone else contacted me and said that she and a group of women want to assist by raising funds for the work in PNG and make birthing kits. More encouragement. Yes, this is it…but then I’d feel scared and overwhelmed. “What if I’ve got it all wrong? What if I fail? What if this is just a ridiculous pipe dream to stroke my ego?”
All quiet again. But then the website was ready and the logo was taking shape, even a name for the organisation was developing. I had to go with the flow, keep up with developments, it was as if the organisation had a life of its own and was just waiting for me to catch up now. “Oh God, help me. I’m not good enough to be able to do this work, I’m weak and scared of what you are asking me to do.”
The reassuring voice in my head replied: You can only do what you can do. One foot in front of the other. Trust in the Lord. He has gone before you, He will equip you, He will provide for you.
And then I remembered the experiences in my past where God had given me a vision for something and then slowly but surely it became reality. Slowly but surely, sometimes over many years. Success. “Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord God Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6). How much that verse has been an anchor to my wavering soul. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41) – oh how I know that verse too.
And then I took the plunge and sent an email to friends and associates informing them of my decision to start the organisation. It was so encouraging to get some warm feedback and assurance. Ok, this is going to be ok, I thought. There are some people who believe in me and think that this is a good thing to do. Enough to propel me forward and discount the silence from others.
Constitution, ATO, GST, charity registration, fundraising registration etc etc. Oh dear there are so many things to think through. “I have provided for you a team of people, all with different skills and talents to help you along the way.” Slowly but surely things have been falling into place. Dion has designed a beautiful logo. The website is 99% ready to go. The advertisement of intention to begin a not for profit organisation has been placed. And now I wait the 4 weeks before applying for registration.
On Friday we held the first committee meeting to discuss the constitution, nominate office bearers and record our decision to open a bank account. I was surrounded by my favourite people who have all caught the vision for this work. As we discussed the constitution my brother began doodling on his page and came up with the diagram pasted below. God is the CEO and He has propelled an arrow in the direction of PNG. The head of the arrow is made up of the committee, at the tip of the arrow is me, and in the ‘wings’ of the arrow are the members and friends of Living Child Inc, all assisting to propel the arrow towards its goal: alleviate the suffering of the women and babies in remote villages of PNG.
That’s what it is all about. Mary, the mother of Jesus, at the wedding in Capernaum where the hosts had run out of wine, said to the group of interested but hesitant people, “Do whatever he [Jesus] tells you”. That’s how I want to live my life and how I’d like Living Child Inc. to be. Let’s see where this journey takes us…